When people say relationships, most thoughts go straight to boyfriends or girlfriends. While mine goes there like everyone else’s, I have an extra tab reserved for friends in that department. Well, let’s see, where to start? Boyfriend or best friends? I’ll start with my boyfriend, he’s a little less complicated than my friends, you’ll understand why in a little.
My boyfriend. I still can’t believe that I can call him that. In a previous blog I called him way out of my league, and I wasn’t kidding. He just turned 21 at the end of July, while I unfortunately am still 17. We met through his cousin, who just so happened to be a very good friend of mine. I went to my friends birthday party, and lo and behold, there is an amazingly hot guy walking in. We didn’t really talk all too much because I’m a very shy person. So later that night I found him on Facebook and we messaged for a bit. That was two years ago. Earlier this year, my senior year of high school, I was having some friend drama, I’ll get to that in a minute, and I desperately needed someone to talk to. So thankfully I found out that I still had his number, we got to talking, started dating, and suddenly I found myself with a boyfriend. It was magical at first, and then came the summer.
Usually the summer time is when relationships blossom. Most did, but mine didn’t. He got a job at Wal-Mart, which we both thought was amazing. He’d have more money to do more things. Then I found out that he was taking the night shift. This meant that he’d have to sleep during the day and work at night, and the only time I’d be able to see him was in the wee hours of the morning before he went to sleep. I thought I was ok with this, but as the summer dragged on I realized that I hated his work hours. We had planned to spend almost everyday together and now suddenly I was going weeks without any face to face with him.
I was getting dark relationship thoughts about a month after he started his job. I was flirting, harmless flirting but flirting nonetheless, with guys my own age who were actually there in the flesh with me. It didn’t feel wrong at the time, but looking back, I realized that flirting is technically cheating, and I felt horrible about it. I still have those thoughts, but who of us hasn’t had a harmless little fantasy while with someone else? For a while I was seriously considering possibly taking a break from him, just for the summer, just so I wouldn’t get hurt. But I powered through it and now that school is starting again he just has to do the night shift on the weekends.
This entry is now ridiculously long so I’ll probably post a part 2. I really don’t care if people read or comment on this. But maybe that would help me? I don’t know. What would they even do for me anyway? Give me advice? I don’t have a clue. This is just a way for me to journal my feelings without leaving a paper trail.
Until next time~